You know, as parents we tend to fret about a lot of things….like are we feeding our kids good enough, and if we are, can we afford to do it for very long? I mean really…organic fruits & veggies and Greek Yogurt is no match for that $.98 box of macaroni & Cheese! There’s also the..do you let your kids pick out and wear their own outfits to school even if it involves inside out and backwards clothes…tags hanging out and all? I may or may not have been given several bags of clothes for my kids based on their OWN choice of clothing! Maybe you’re like me and you wonder if you’ve EVER brushed your kids teeth correctly…either I have no idea what I’m doing here or my kids are just prone to craters…and before you get snarky I do encourage good brushing, flossing & fluoride rinsing and I do Not let them snack on carbs all day..the fact that my kids are watching a movie & eating popcorn and Halloween candy right now is just a coincidence! If you’ve got boys I know you worry about whether to just let em fight it out, or put them in their corner before you have to make a run to the ER…I worry about this one on a VERY regular basis! I suppose that as parents we only worry because we love those little hooligans so much it hurts…and by hurts, I mean it HURTS…as in the tooth mark on my shoulder freakin HURTS!!…but somehow I ended up telling that little lovely how much I love her!!
Ok…so just for your future reference, here are a few things I’ve learned, that as a parent, you shouldn’t worry so much about….it’s gonna be ok….even if it HURTS for a bit!!
Breaking open glow in the dark sticks with your mouth will NOT do much more damage than make your face glow for a few hours!
Ingesting TNT, the glow snake 4th of July kind, will only need to be washed down with 2-3 bottles of gatorade or water!
Then there’s the…
Dropping the canister part of the vacuum down the stairs at your child while they are standing below you is Not always as bad as you would think…they bounce back rather quickly…they hold grudges, but they bounce back nonetheless!
Closing the van door with your new swanky remote control key, while their hand is still in the door, only causes total chaos for a few brief moments….again, the grudges tend to be the worst part of this little accident!
Your child pitching a fit and holding their breath until they pass out is perfectly OK…Just look at it as some well earned ‘Mommy’ quiet time!
Giving them cereal with milk…and later learning said milk was…hold on to your seats….CHUNKY……OK, I agree, this one is as bad as it sounds!!!!
Whacking the back of their head on brick steps, and losing eyesight for a bit, is usually diagnosed as a mild concussion…Usually the only prescribed meds here are strong liquors for Mom! *I’m just kidding about the liquor, I think….please don’t send Bad Mommy mail!
Your child putting his head through a hole that has seemingly gotten smaller since insertion can usually be remedied after taking several pictures and then removing banister railings to free them….don’t bother fixing the banister, this will Not be the last time you encounter this little fix!
When playing football with your kids outside and one of them face plants on the back bumper of your jeep, it’s usually best not to tell them how quickly their eye is turning black…instead, tell them it’s too bad you didn’t get it on video because it was so good you could win $1,000 on America’s Funniest Home Videos!
And last but not least,
When giving your newborn a sink bath on the countertop, don’t worry too much about that permanent mark you left on their chubby little leg when you were accidentally leaning against it…just look at it as a little ‘motherly branding’!